Are Leaders Made or Born?

I have always appreciated the responsibility and opportunity to be a part of developing leaders. When I became a parent, I resolved in my heart that I will raise my two children to be leaders because the best gift one can give to the next generation is the gift of leadership. So my wife and I raised them to take responsibility and to express thought and feeling and to be involved in leadership opportunities from young.

This week, I had the opportunity to teach about 25 interns at church on leadership and I pondered again this difficultly-simple question: “Are Leaders Born or Made?”

I know that God has uniquely wired each of us with specific DNA and for some people that includes the natural ability to take the lead in almost anything. But taking the lead does not make one a leader. It just shows that one is a good initiator or organizer. He may even be a gifted administrator or mobilizer. But that does not make one a leader. Because a leader is more than just an effective organizer or communicator or administrator. A leader is one who brings influence, good or bad. And one can be good at teaching and good and organizing an event or mobilizing a campaign and yet have no influence over the people they 'lead'. Leadership is all about influence!

With this in mind, I find myself instilling things into my two children that will prepare them to be that next generation of leaders and world changers of the future. I want their lives to impact, not just impress. You can impress with your skill sets and charisma but you can only impact with your inner substance and character. Leaders impact more than impress.

If we take a look at the lives of Jesus’ 12 disciples and ask the question: “Were they born leaders?” I would say, probably not! A better question is: “Were they born for leadership?” Absolutely, but not without being molded and shaped into the instruments that Jesus had in mind. He worked on their character. He build into their lives. He taught them to trust in God. He stretched their faith.

None of us are born leaders. But we are all born for leadership and we should place ourselves in the hands of the Lord through mentors and coaches and parents and godly leaders and ministry opportunities so that our lives get shaped and molded for leadership.

And for those of us who are parents, we should raise our children for leadership. It is the most needed gift we can bless the future generation with: godly leaders raised from our homes.

Why Care For The Dying Elderly?

I heard a story from a lady this week that left me thinking. She was the mother of three children and, while they were all still young, in school, her father, already a widower, suffered a stroke that left him severely debilitated. He has unable to take care of himself and needed assistance.

Being the dutiful daughter, she had him move in with her own family, at great inconvenience to her husband and children. So many of their family routines had to be adjusted and re-arranged to accommodate her dad’s presence. Their life changed radically.

At a point, her father’s condition deteriorated to the point where she had to take him to a hospice where he could receive full-time care. But, even then, she still needed to visit him daily, often having to take one or more of her children with her. This went on for seven years. Daily, she and one or other of her children would have to go and spend some time with her father.

During those years, many times, in large and small ways, she apologized to her husband and children for the inconvenience this was causing them. Eventually her father died. Several years after the funeral her eldest son, now a working young adult, said to her: “You know, mum, all those years that we had to arrange our lives so much around Grandpa and his illness – that was really a precious time. That was a great gift to our family!”

How can the life of someone like that, someone whose life and existence can weigh on us like a burden, be a blessing? I asked myself this questions because I have an adoptive mother who is frail with age and both of my wife’s parents are needing more and more assistance and health care. And one of my good friends is now struggling with what to do with his dad who is suffering from severe dementia. How are we gifted by having people like that in our lives?

The answer is part of a deep human and spiritual mystery, a part of the secret of love itself. We give life to each other not just in what we actively do for each other, but also, and sometimes especially, in what we passively absorb and are unable to do. Helplessness brings a special Presence of God into a room. We give life through our activity and we also give life through our passivity. We bring a blessing to the sick when we visit them, but we also leave their presence blessed by having visited them. There is love in giving, just as there is love in receiving.
Just the other week, my wife and I attended a wake. The lady’s dad had passed away suddenly and without knowing the Lord. She was grieving but our presence so encouraged her, she told us how blessed she was that we came. We came to bless her but we went back blessed having visited with her. There is a love in giving, just as there is a love in receiving.

And the gift does not always look or feel like a beautifully wrapped Christmas present. The gift can, initially, seem like a burden, an unwanted imposition, an awkward inconvenience, an unfortunate duty. But those feelings themselves eventually contribute to the depth of the gift.

We see this mysterious aspect of love illustrated in the Gospels when they describe how Jesus gave his life and his death for us. Each of the Gospels has two very distinct parts: The early parts of the Gospels describe Jesus’ activity and how he gave his life for us by what he did for us. The latter part of the Gospels describe Jesus’ passivity and how he gave his death for us by what he passively absorbed for us. Appropriately this latter part is called The Passion (from the Latin, passio, meaning, passiveness.)

Today, we struggle to understand this, intellectually. Sadly, today, we tend to define life and meaning almost solely on the basis of health, productivity, usefulness, and what we can actively contribute to others. What can we bring to the table?

And so we ask ourselves: What do the elderly who can no longer live on their own contribute to our lives? What meaning is there in the continued existence of a person living with full-blown dementia? What does someone who is mentally handicapped bring to the community? Why prolong the life of someone who is in the final stages of a terminal illness? And: Why keep a debilitated Grandpa in the house when he disrupts our normal family life?

The answer: Because a person in this condition, at some deep level, is giving us a precious gift, namely, the gift of depth and character.

Why Are We So Offended All The Time?

Let me start with the caveats. Many people suffer at the hands of others. The world can be unfair, at times mercilessly so. Millions of people in the world are genuine victims, right now. All of us will be at some point, whether it’s for small matters or large.

But we aren’t all victims, not all the time anyway. And not for everything. But why are we so easily offended? Why are we in such a hurry to be hurt?

Being offended is actually easier than being right. To prove you’re offended you just have to build up some moral indignation and tell other people about it. To prove you’re right you actually have to hear out the offender and look at both sides of the matter and marshal evidence. Then you have to weigh the matter with great objectivity, probably by running the issues through some others who will help you see if you yourself have been bias and if there have been some blind spots. All that involves courage and emotional strength and maturity. To prove you are right is hard work. But that is what Jesus says we must do when we are offended. “Leave your gift...first go be reconciled with your brother.” (Matt 5:24)

But the problem is, many people choose instead to be offended rather than work out the relationship through biblical reconciliation. Being offended simply nails down the opponent. Because if there is offense, there must be an offender. And offenders are always perceived as wrong. You offended me. So you are wrong. And no opportunity is given for the so called offender to explain himself or share his heart.

All we expect is apologies. Sometimes, no doubt, because a genuine sin has been committed, apologies are in order. But often we demand apologies just because we are the one offended. It’s a way to shame those with whom we disagree. It forces them to admit failure or keep looking like a weasel. The weakest offense-taker can now bully good people who are tirelessly running the race of faith through their emotional manipulation that goes with chronic offendedness. Because people everywhere are more sympathetic towards those who are offended.

As Christians, we worship the Lord who was grossly wounded on the Cross physically and emotionally. Many were offended by Jesus and in turn they wounded Him to death on the Cross. And on the Cross, Jesus took God’s offences against us, sinners, and nailed it to Himself. In so doing He broke the power of offences so that we are first reconciled to God and then to one another.

Because He is our Lord, like Him, when we are offended we should do what He exemplified for us to do – forgive and reach out in love. When we see someone offended by us, we should show them grace. When we do that, we tell our soul that we live by the power of the Cross.

But we have no reason to wallow in our hurt. And carry a spirit of offences. Absolutely no reason.

Jesus

Jesus Christ. No one is more loved and hated than Jesus Christ.

The name Jesus is derived from the Old Testament name Joshua, which means, “Yahweh God is salvation.” The title Christ means one chosen and anointed by God to be the Messiah who delivers God’s people.

Roughly two thousand years ago, Jesus was born in a dumpy, rural, hick town, not unlike some heartland corner in Singapore of thirty year-old, run down low-rise blocks, with stray dogs and cats lying about the neigbourhood and dirty old men squatting for a smoke at the void deck.

Jesus’ mom was a poor, unwed teenage girl who was mocked for claiming she conceived via the Holy Spirit. Most people thought she concocted a crazy story to cover the “fact” she was sleeping with with some guy after school, up in a her flat while her parents were still out, at work. Jesus was adopted by a simple carpenter named Joseph and spent the first thirty years of his life in obscurity, swinging a hammer with his dad.

Around the age of thirty, Jesus began a public ministry that included preaching, healing the sick, feeding the hungry, and befriending social misfits such as perverts, drunks, and thieves. Jesus’ ministry spanned only three short years before he was put to death for declaring himself
to be God. He died by shameful crucifixion like tens of thousands of people before and after him.

At first glance, Jesus’ résumé is rather simple. He never traveled more than a few hundred kiolmetres from his home. He never held a political office, never wrote a book, never married, never had sex, never attended the poly or university, never visited a big city like London or New York, and never won a soccer match. He died both homeless and poor.

Nonetheless, Jesus is the most famous person in all of human history.

More songs have been sung to him, artwork created of him, and books written about him than anyone who has ever lived. In fact, Jesus looms so large over human history that we actually measure time by him; our calendar is divided into the years before and after his birth, noted as b.c. (“before Christ”) and a.d. (anno Domini, meaning “in the year of the Lord”), respectively.

No army, nation, or person has changed human history to the degree that Jesus, the homeless man, has. Some two thousand years after he walked the earth, Jesus remains as hot as ever.

I love Him. He is still as relevant today as He was then. I love to serve Him. There is no one worthy of my life like Him.

My Jesus. My Saviour. Lord, there is none like You!

The When And How Of Rebukes...

“If your brother sins, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him.”

Luke 17:3

Two if-clauses here. First if-clause:

If your brother sins — that is disobedience to what is clearly stated in the Bible and the sin is against you, only then you do have a right to rebuke him. Not a demeaning humiliation. Just sit down with him and say, “Brother, here in [the biblical text], God says . . . . But last Tuesday, you and I were in that meeting and, as I recall, you said that or you did this . . . . Brother, I can’t see how that behaviour lines up with this verse. How do you see it?” No vague generalities, but verifiable facts, as it is clearly addressed by the Bible.

We need to have the freedom to rebuke one another’s sinful and foolish behaviour. But let’s be gentle and respectful. Let’s offer the brother an opportunity to explain himself. After all, there might be more to it than one realizes. And avoid the the phrases “always” and “never” (”You always/never . . .”). They blast the brother to pieces, with no dignity left.

Second if-clause:

If he repents, forgive him. Conditional forgiveness? Yes. The Lord is explaining how to restore the relationship. We must forgive unconditionally and absolutely within our hearts. But for the relationship to be restored, there must be confession of sin. How can a sin be forgiven, if it’s never been confessed? So hopefully the brother says, “You’re right. I didn’t see it that way at the moment, but there it is in the Bible. I was wrong, I’m sorry, and it won’t happen again. Is there anything I can do now to fix the situation?”

What he needs to hear from you is, “Dear brother, thank you for receiving what I said so humbly. It’s why people respect you. I do forgive you, and wholeheartedly. Thank you for asking about follow-through. Yes, there is something positive that would help. Let’s work on it together. What would you think of . . . ?”

The Lord makes these practical things clear. He is wise. Let’s follow Him.