I have been wired to be a very trusting person. I love to believe in people. As a result, anyone who knows me - even a little bit - knows that loyalty and trust are my highest values in relationship.
But as someone very smart once said:
An unguarded strength is a double weakness.
So my intense desire to trust others and be trustworthy has - at times - come back to bite me. And usually, the damage had little to do with the actions of the other person. It had everything to do with my approach.
This past weekend, I was led to look at some of my failed relationships in the past where I had so trusted someone only to discover that they had betrayed me. I am not bitter about those relationships. Every failed relationship blessed me with some level of growth (through pain, of course).
And this is what I discovered: I’m learning that it’s as important to define what trust is not as to define what it is. Here are my current thoughts on the subject:
* Trusting someone doesn’t mean they’ll never fail you or hurt you. It just means they wouldn’t intentionally do it, or do it the same way over and over again.
* Trusting someone doesn’t demand that they’re a part of your life forever.
* It’s okay to trust someone in one area of your life, but not in another. Just be clear - with them, and yourself.
* Trust is not a pass/fail class. There are degrees and shades of trust. Discerning the different dimensions is the first step toward developing more trust.
* My level of trust in someone is often about my own moods, experiences, and perceptions. I must monitor these conditions and factor them in.
* People can’t earn your trust where expectations aren’t defined. Everyone you truly care about deserves to understand your standards.
The only one who is completely and eternally trustworthy is Jesus – The man who trusts in Him will never be put to shame.
