External Conflicts Are Really Internal Problems

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.

James 4:1-2

Everyone of us faces external conflicts in life. We know that. We quarrel with the aunty at the mini-mart, we raise our voice at the colleague in the office or show our anger at the traffic. But what we often don't realize is that the real issue is internal. Every day we have to struggle to do things God's way, to either fulfill God's desires or our own.

But if you drill every internal battle down, you'll get to one word: control. As long as things are going our way, everything is great. As long as we can call the shots, we're fine. But as soon as someone, anyone, challenges that, we have some serious conflict. We will fight and scratch and claw until we get our way.

But ultimately, we can't control every situation or circumstance. Only God can. And He does. And when we realize that; when we admit that, and when we surrender to that truth, then we free ourselves up to understanding that he has our best in mind. And we won't wear ourselves or anyone else out by fighting, scratching and clawing to get what we want. Instead, we'll realize that God is and has everything we need. We rest in His sovereignity. We find a tranquality of spirit. We flow in His joy!

A Prayer for Today

Dear God, I know that I struggle with wanting to maintain control. And I realize that sometimes that desire for control causes me to fight and quarrel with the people around me. Help me to surrender control to you. Because then I will be free to live at peace with myself and the people in my life. And then I will truly find joy for my soul. In Jesus' name, Amen.

God Is In Your Depths Of Despondency

Scripture

"In whose hand are the depths of the earth; the peaks of the mountains are His also" (Psalms 95:4)

Observation

How deep is the earth?

I have been to the Niagara Falls and seen some great rivers cradled in its depths. It's a long way down! Yet, it doesn't even begin to register the caverns beneath it or the bottomless mysteries that lay below the river.

Ever feel that way, though? Ever feel like you are in the depths of the earth? I have. Things close in around you and there's no way out. It feels like being buried alive. God seems far away, and any hope is obscured by inescapable dead-ends that have been swallowing us alive. At the church camp recently, we called such a condition despondency.

David felt that way too. He fled as a fugitive, hid in caves, saw his families stolen as slaves, and he saw his home burned. He was rejected by his own sons, cursed by his neighbors, and stood helpless as his wives were raped. He cried until he could cry no more.

But here in his diary, David restores to us a glimmer of hope. Regardless of how deep the pit seems to be, we find a promise embedded in his 95th entry:

"In whose hand are the depths of the earth..."

In other words, no matter how deep the valley is, His hands are still under me. If I fall to the uttermost point of no return, I am still in His hands. Even the depths of the earth as still in His hands!

He is deeper than the deepest depth. He is higher than the highest heights. He is greater than the widest breadth. He is my all in all. And hence, I arise still hoping in Him, my God!

Application

So I will wait on the Lord. Even though I think it is the end, though I find myself at the bottom, I cannot give up. I am still in His hands!

It's easy to make hasty decisions and call it quits. It's convenient to throw in the towel and make a decision with irreparable consequences. It feels like an escape, a respite, a release from the pain, but it will always be the wrong choice.

I am encouraged by His promise in Psalm 95 that He will never lose His grip on me. Even though it feels as if the earth has opened up beneath me, His embrace encompasses me still.

And should I stumble over the edge, I will free-fall into His hands.

Prayer

Dear Lord Jesus:

Thank You for Your unfailing love. How I need to trust You more. Teach me to continue to press forward and do my best knowing that there will be times when I feel lost and broken.

And when I think I am at my lowest point, help me to realize that I may never be closer to being in Your hands.

The place I hurt most is the place I will experience Him the most.

Iron Friendships Needed

Scripture

"Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another..." (Proverbs 27:17)

Observation

This is a simple statement that carries profound depth. You'd have to imagine that sharpening tools was a whole different ball game when this Proverb was written. When tools got dull one needed to find a blacksmith (maybe even from another city) or an equally strong metal to re-sharpen the blade. A weaker metal wouldn't sharpen an iron tool. Why is this so important? Because sharp tools meant better living. If the tools weren't sharp the food would stop coming to the table.

It is equally as important for us to stay sharp spiritually. How do we do this? We get sharper through strong friends and mentors in Christ. Our default in life will be to weaken, to slack in discipline, to allow the current to pull us where it wants. If we don't have strong people that help us to stay sharp in Christ, eventually dullness occurs.

Dull Christians are a lot like dull knives; they are more dangerous and stop working in their original design.

Who is that person of iron who prods us? Who is that person of depth who encourages us, and challenges us? Who brings us closer to the Lord? We all need iron friendship that sharpens us back to Christ.

One of the recurring themes of the church camp was finding the right people to surround us in the times of our trouble and tempation. We are need iron friendships.

Application

I need to make sure that I have a few people who can speak directly to my heart. Sometimes in life, I don't want to hear the truth because it can be painful. Even though the sharpening process may hurt a little, in the long run I have much more to gain through a friendship that strengthens me in Christ.

Prayer

Father, May I never forget the importance of true friendships that keep me sharp. I pray that You will help me to see those people of iron who will strengthen my life and my character. Help me to stay sharp in Your ways!

In Jesus Name,
Amen.

Raising Children Who Aren't Embittered

Scripture

"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." (Colossians 3:21)

Observation

This verse is so brief but so relevant to the upbringing of my two children. The scripture reminds us as fathers to be careful not to embitter our children, less we discourage them. Yet, some of the most successful people in the world attest to the firm rearing and upbringing by their parents and how it shaped and motivated their lives. But that was a past generation. Today's children don't seem to take to discipline and firmness naturally. Why is this so? What is the difference between the past the generation and this generation?

Application

The difference is simple: it's in one word - "relating." What I've learned through my tenure as a father to my two children and a boss to my staff in ministry is that relationship is the key in motivating, correcting, leading and guiding people.

In the corporate world where people are paid or contracted for what they do, there is a goal, project or assignment that one is paid or contracted to do. Thus, relationship would be nice, however, it often doesn't matter in getting the job done. I pay you, you do job ... end of story. We've heard of employees or subcontractors hating their bosses or clients, yet knowing that they profit and gain monetarily, so they do the job ... bitterly, but the work gets done.

However, with family and in ministry, I've learned that established relationship and even better if discipleship is involved, it opens the heart and mind, brings down natural walls and doubt to enable people to take a chance, receive correction, receive ideas and feel encouraged that what lies ahead is doable.

I often hear of how busyness in early career did not leave much time for father and son and how the lack of a close relationship and an "old style" upbringing of telling children what they need to do, as well as correction with a perfectionist attitude did not do much to encourage them. Yes, then, there will be bitterness.

It's the same way in ministry. If I am to be successful in leading people to serve God with all their heart, then I must first establish a relationship within discipleship and trust first.

Encouraging and leading children or people seems to first require a heart of acceptance of letting them be who they are and the person that God created, not judged by our ruler or expectations in our time line, but by God's love that he created them as they are, and our part is to love them for their best attributes and give grace where God is working.

I thank God for giving me this wisdom is raisng my two children. My greatest fulfilment in parenting is to have my adult daughter and near-adult son call me their friend today. They find a freedom to talk to me about anything. They don't see a reason to hide anything from me. They enjoy my company and we are all able to spend endless hours together with no walls between us. In short, there is no bitterness!

Prayer

Lord, please continue your work in me as I learn to better lead and encourage my loves ones in my family and those I serve and minister with. Please continue to show me how to rear through relationship, guide with grace and love unconditionally. The result hopefully will then be less of bitter and more of better.

Always Honour!

The Church Staff + Family at Agape's 24th Anniversary Service

My apologies for not updating my blog for over a month. These past 30 days have been super busy, yet it has been one of the most fulfilling seasons of this year. Let me explain through this devotional....

Scripture

"I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a servant of the church in Cenchrea ... Greet Priscilla and Aquila. They risked their lives for me... Greet my dear friend Epenetus, who was the first convert to Christ in the province of Asia. Greet Mary, who worked very hard for you. Greet Andronicus and Junias ...Greet Ampliatus, whom I love in the Lord. Greet Urbanus..." (Romans 16:1-9 selected)

Observation

As the words from the apostle's pen comes to the final paragraph, he ends with what he feels is most important.

In this book of Romans, he has already dealt with doctrine. He addressed the tension that exists between sprit and flesh. He spoke of submission and spiritual disciplines, but now, he saves the most important for his concluding remarks.

Paul mentions twenty-eight people by name! And to each relationship, he attached a word of heartfelt gratitude. No, you don't find any anonymous groupings here. You won't find generalizations here, or for expediency's sake, a lumped together group thanked in mass.

Instead, you will be moved by the fact that Paul mentions individual names of real people and honours them one by one.

Relationships. That's what Paul treasured the most in the end.

I have often seen that. I have sat with many who have come to the final moments of their life on earth. In those precious concluding moments, the unimportant fades and only that, which is vital, remains. And without fail, their greatest treasure?

Healthy relationships.

And their greatest pain? Unresolved or broken ones.

Sometimes we don't recognize that which is most eternal until we are stand face to face with it. But why wait?

That is the reason why my family and I took so much trouble to give my daughter a great 21st birthday celebration. It is to honour God for His mercies in her life and to bless her for staying true to Him. It is to honour all the people who have played a significant role in her life all these 21 years.

It's relationships.

Christina and I were even more blessed when the youths in our church took such trouble to plan 21 surprises for her actual 21st birthday on June 11th at the church camp. Over 24 hours, they dotted the day with fun and laughter and most of all honour. Why? Isn't it only because at the end of the day it is all about relationships?

At the close of the camp, I got the camp participants to nominate those in our midst who had been through much trouble in life and yet had stayed true to the Lord. I took the names of those nominees and honoured them with flowers for the ladies and a gift pack of chocs for the men. As these bruised people came up to be honoured amidst applause and words written to affirm them, there were tears in the eyes and God renewed fresh strength in their hearts. That is the power of honour. And where relationships are genuine and authentic, there is always honour.

On Father's Day, my family took me out to eat at Manhattan Seafood Market in KL. The food was fabulous but what was even more fantastic were the words of honour from them and the two memorabilia they gave me - an 'oscar' for "Best Achievement In Sound Advice" and a big daddy mug that says "Lifetime Achievement In Dadliness". That's honour that deepens relationships!

Living in healthy relationships...

Application

It doesn't mean we will always agree. Unity does not mean conformity or cloning each other. No.

It does mean, however, that we always support. We always speak well of. We always love, and we always stay on the same team. We often honour one another.The Bible uses the metaphor that we're ... One Body.

Let me explain it in this way:

My heart doesn't do what my liver does. It's not supposed to. My kidneys don't do what my lungs do. They can't really get together and just chill. They don't compete with each other for attention. They don't try to be like each other.

Nope. Instead, "unity" in my body is defined by each part doing what it is supposed to do to the best of their ability! And they respect each other and honour one another to keep my body healthy!

And the other parts?

They cheer and support!

And when God sees that happening in His church family and our individual families, He leans over the banister of heaven, and with a sigh of delight, says:

"It just doesn't get any better!" And He pours out His favour, abundantly.

This past month, from my birthday to Thea's birthday, to the church camp to Father's Day - it just couldn't be any better.

And to everyone who had made this season so special and so God-honouring - Christina, Reuben, Thea, the RAYs, the church family, special friends like Val and Farissa, Sheng in Sydney, family in KL and Alor Star - thank you so much!

Prayer

Dear Father:
Please remind me again and again of this great commandment which Paul so clearly emphasizes. Today I will be cognizant of relationships and invest in them early. Teach me to honour people while they are still alive, not after they are gone.