Scripture
"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." (Colossians 3:21)
Observation
This verse is so brief but so relevant to the upbringing of my two children. The scripture reminds us as fathers to be careful not to embitter our children, less we discourage them. Yet, some of the most successful people in the world attest to the firm rearing and upbringing by their parents and how it shaped and motivated their lives. But that was a past generation. Today's children don't seem to take to discipline and firmness naturally. Why is this so? What is the difference between the past the generation and this generation?
Application
The difference is simple: it's in one word - "relating." What I've learned through my tenure as a father to my two children and a boss to my staff in ministry is that relationship is the key in motivating, correcting, leading and guiding people.
In the corporate world where people are paid or contracted for what they do, there is a goal, project or assignment that one is paid or contracted to do. Thus, relationship would be nice, however, it often doesn't matter in getting the job done. I pay you, you do job ... end of story. We've heard of employees or subcontractors hating their bosses or clients, yet knowing that they profit and gain monetarily, so they do the job ... bitterly, but the work gets done.
However, with family and in ministry, I've learned that established relationship and even better if discipleship is involved, it opens the heart and mind, brings down natural walls and doubt to enable people to take a chance, receive correction, receive ideas and feel encouraged that what lies ahead is doable.
I often hear of how busyness in early career did not leave much time for father and son and how the lack of a close relationship and an "old style" upbringing of telling children what they need to do, as well as correction with a perfectionist attitude did not do much to encourage them. Yes, then, there will be bitterness.
It's the same way in ministry. If I am to be successful in leading people to serve God with all their heart, then I must first establish a relationship within discipleship and trust first.
Encouraging and leading children or people seems to first require a heart of acceptance of letting them be who they are and the person that God created, not judged by our ruler or expectations in our time line, but by God's love that he created them as they are, and our part is to love them for their best attributes and give grace where God is working.
I thank God for giving me this wisdom is raisng my two children. My greatest fulfilment in parenting is to have my adult daughter and near-adult son call me their friend today. They find a freedom to talk to me about anything. They don't see a reason to hide anything from me. They enjoy my company and we are all able to spend endless hours together with no walls between us. In short, there is no bitterness!
In the corporate world where people are paid or contracted for what they do, there is a goal, project or assignment that one is paid or contracted to do. Thus, relationship would be nice, however, it often doesn't matter in getting the job done. I pay you, you do job ... end of story. We've heard of employees or subcontractors hating their bosses or clients, yet knowing that they profit and gain monetarily, so they do the job ... bitterly, but the work gets done.
However, with family and in ministry, I've learned that established relationship and even better if discipleship is involved, it opens the heart and mind, brings down natural walls and doubt to enable people to take a chance, receive correction, receive ideas and feel encouraged that what lies ahead is doable.
I often hear of how busyness in early career did not leave much time for father and son and how the lack of a close relationship and an "old style" upbringing of telling children what they need to do, as well as correction with a perfectionist attitude did not do much to encourage them. Yes, then, there will be bitterness.
It's the same way in ministry. If I am to be successful in leading people to serve God with all their heart, then I must first establish a relationship within discipleship and trust first.
Encouraging and leading children or people seems to first require a heart of acceptance of letting them be who they are and the person that God created, not judged by our ruler or expectations in our time line, but by God's love that he created them as they are, and our part is to love them for their best attributes and give grace where God is working.
I thank God for giving me this wisdom is raisng my two children. My greatest fulfilment in parenting is to have my adult daughter and near-adult son call me their friend today. They find a freedom to talk to me about anything. They don't see a reason to hide anything from me. They enjoy my company and we are all able to spend endless hours together with no walls between us. In short, there is no bitterness!
Prayer
Lord, please continue your work in me as I learn to better lead and encourage my loves ones in my family and those I serve and minister with. Please continue to show me how to rear through relationship, guide with grace and love unconditionally. The result hopefully will then be less of bitter and more of better.
